Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Mag 177

Photo by Agustin Berrocal

Sponsored by [Magpie Tales]

Eureka!
Montana “Mountie” Johnson could hardly believe his eyes.  Was he dreaming?

No, he didn’t think so, but it was all so very bizarre.  For he had suspected that there were certain elements of truth woven into fairy tales, but he never dreamed that the secret was so simple.

Oh how he wished all of those scholars could be there with him at this moment.  For not only had they gone to great lengths to insure that no one took him seriously as a scientist, they had gone to equal lengths to insure that he had little options available when it came to earning a living.

Granted, he had grown to love the look in the eyes of the lustful ladies in the audience at his erotic dance performances, but he had great concerns about whether or not his chest hair would ever grow back after so many waxings.  He supposed that it did not really matter now.

Besides, doing his thing onstage (and elsewhere—almost everywhere, actually) had led Mountie a little closer to seeing all of his dreams come true.  Who knew that a certain mixture of manly man sweat and Chanel #5 perfume was needed to achieve critical mass?  Since this is supposed to be family-friendly, we won’t go into explicit details on his research methodology, but it can be disclosed that Mountie had noticed a visible afterglow at times.

To make a rather long and painful story somewhat less in both respects, what drew the ire of the scholars was Mountie proposing that the golden eggs of legend were actually the product of a chemical process that could be duplicated.  What lay before him proved that all there was to it was to allow Yukon gold potatoes to grow past the fingerling stage while resting on a bed of 172,379 fireflies being fed a mixture of manly man sweat and Chanel #5 perfume.

Trying to stay too true to the legend had almost driven him mad.  For the goose kept eating the fireflies, but as it turned out, only 172,379 were actually needed.

In all fairness, Mountie still had not worked out just exactly how much manly man sweat and Chanel #5 perfume was needed, but he was content to bask in the glory of the moment for now.  Having three ladies in the next room wanting him for more than his mind might also have had something to do with it, but that can be left for another legend.

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22 comments:

  1. Ha! ha! Now I understand the wild and vivid imagination you spoke of from childhood.... delightful, and spicy! Thanks about my linking, which I just did again for like the 4th time. I think it worked this time!

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  2. Oops, forgot to mention, I like how your Mag photo looks with the background you chose!

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  3. "wanting him for more than his mind"

    :)

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  4. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Karen!!! Every once in a while, the hinges on the gate loosen enough to allow my imagination to bust out and run wild. Hopefully, there will be no need for the cops to be called this time. Sigh.

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  5. Thanks for stopping by, my dear TWG!!! I must admit that I was rather indignant about such at first, but being the extremely humble person I truly am, I finally relented and just let the ladies have what they wanted from me.

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  6. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Antonio!!! Be assured that I greatly appreciate the encouragement.

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  7. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Janaki!!! After being so serious last week, I was very glad to be given an opportunity to get really stupid with something. I am glad you enjoyed it.

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  8. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Adullamite!!! I am sorry, but you really missed out on some interesting situations (not to mention a fortune!) by just giving it away over the years.

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  9. Fascinating and intriguing, quite a combo!

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  10. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Berowne!!! When I read it to my wife, she just gave me "the look." Sigh.

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  11. Hahaha! Talk about sweat equity ... no mind involved and no bump and grind either ... sounds like a win win for good old Mountie! Funny post, dearie!

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  12. I think it's safe to say that you can not be accused of having no imagination :)

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  13. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Susan!!! I am really glad you enjoyed it. Be assured that being silly felt good after being so serious last week.

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  14. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Ann!!! Just banking on some past experiences...

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  15. Was his name Harry Lasseter , by any chance ?

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  16. Thanks for stopping by again, my dear Adullamite!!! I am sorry. I cannot go into more detail without getting into more trouble. (Nonetheless, be assured that I would like to!)

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  17. This is chemistry on so many levels! What grand imagination. Favourite line:

    "he had great concerns about whether or not his chest hair would ever grow back after so many waxings"

    Brilliant!

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  18. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Helena!!! My wife has informed me that it will be quite a while before she will allow my imagination to put on full display again. Sigh.

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