Photo by Agustin Berrocal
Sponsored by [Magpie Tales]
Montana “Mountie” Johnson could hardly believe his eyes. Was he dreaming?
No, he didn’t think so, but it was all so very bizarre. For he had suspected that there were certain elements of truth woven into fairy tales, but he never dreamed that the secret was so simple.
Oh how he wished all of those scholars could be there with him at this moment. For not only had they gone to great lengths to insure that no one took him seriously as a scientist, they had gone to equal lengths to insure that he had little options available when it came to earning a living.
Granted, he had grown to love the look in the eyes of the lustful ladies in the audience at his erotic dance performances, but he had great concerns about whether or not his chest hair would ever grow back after so many waxings. He supposed that it did not really matter now.
Besides, doing his thing onstage (and elsewhere—almost everywhere, actually) had led Mountie a little closer to seeing all of his dreams come true. Who knew that a certain mixture of manly man sweat and Chanel #5 perfume was needed to achieve critical mass? Since this is supposed to be family-friendly, we won’t go into explicit details on his research methodology, but it can be disclosed that Mountie had noticed a visible afterglow at times.
To make a rather long and painful story somewhat less in both respects, what drew the ire of the scholars was Mountie proposing that the golden eggs of legend were actually the product of a chemical process that could be duplicated. What lay before him proved that all there was to it was to allow Yukon gold potatoes to grow past the fingerling stage while resting on a bed of 172,379 fireflies being fed a mixture of manly man sweat and Chanel #5 perfume.
Trying to stay too true to the legend had almost driven him mad. For the goose kept eating the fireflies, but as it turned out, only 172,379 were actually needed.
In all fairness, Mountie still had not worked out just exactly how much manly man sweat and Chanel #5 perfume was needed, but he was content to bask in the glory of the moment for now. Having three ladies in the next room wanting him for more than his mind might also have had something to do with it, but that can be left for another legend.
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