Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Raging Against the Buzzards


A week or so ago, we received a marketing survey in the mail from the [Gorman-Scharpf Funeral Home].  The following in purple and italics is my response to their efforts to generate some more business.

My wife and I saw one of your television commercials the other day while watching an episode of The Burns & Allen Show on Antenna TV.  We both felt like it was a very well-produced ad that presented your services in a very dignified manner.

Ah, but the damage had already been done.  For we received your marketing survey in the mail a few days before.

In all fairness, we got a big kick out of it at first.  Well, at least in regards to the envelope that asked, “Can you help us?”  For the only ways we could think of to help a funeral home would be to die or kill someone.

Your television commercial had an older gentleman helping some people, and I hope you really do have someone like him, who might have enough sense left to realize what an AWFUL mistake it was to resort to direct solicitation through the mail.

Making it even worse was that the solicitation was addressed to the Lozano family, which is my 76 year-old mother-in-law’s last name, and she just lives with us.  Did a marketing-major advise targeting people who have a high likelihood of not lasting much longer in accordance to statistics?

Alas, an old family friend was Doyle Williamson, who ran his family’s funeral home in Cassville and served as the Barry County Coroner for a number of years.  I wonder what he would think of current funeral homes sinking to direct solicitation to generate business.  Yes, the legal disclaimer with the “survey” probably covers you from being sued, but you sure won’t get any of our business.

I emailed that last Saturday (April 18) and we have not heard a peep back.  In all fairness, I do not know if buzzards even can peep.

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14 comments:

  1. Every time I walk past our local undertaker he comes out behind me with a measuring tape in his hand. Is he trying to tell me something...?

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Adullamite!!! Do you keep changing shape or is he just that forgetful?

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  2. Oooooooo, well said. There are some things in life that certainly should NOT be marketed.....

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Shadow!!! Methinks they have let some educated idiots have too much run of the place.

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  3. I have yet to encounter soliciting mortuaries. I can remember when lawyers and doctors didn't advertise. Those were the days.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Stephen!!! I would feel the same way about doctors and lawyers resorting to direct solicitation. Although, I can think of one situation that would be great if it was not directed in my direction. For we have one lawyer who is also a licensed physician. So, he could send a direct message of, "Why haven't you sued yet? Do you need your head examined?"

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  4. First I have heard of a mortuary/funeral home soliciting!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Linda!!! Same here. The "survey" asks if over/under age 50, whether retired or not, experience with planning a funeral or not, already have any funeral plans or not, expected price range, whether or not loved ones are aware of your wishes and if more information is wanted. Yeah, it is clearly a direct solicitation for business.

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  5. you're right. everyone's in the marketing game these days. and the 'tell us how we're doing' survey thing. grrr...

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, my dear TWG!!! Some things sure sound good in theory, but are disastrous in practice. I don't want anyone to lose their job, but I hope whoever did this gets a really good talkin'-to.

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  6. Oh my goodness. Mortuaries touting for business. Welll, it is kind of hard to know how they can make those sound appealing you must admit! :)

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Jenny!!! I suppose some of it has to do with mostly dealing with people during times of great loss, who normally do not offer much resistance to their offers. Hence, being able to collect $1800.00 for a simple cremation without any ceremony.

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  7. They probably died of shock from your response, Jerry! lol

    Good on you for a great response!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Lee!!! Well, that could explain why I have not yet received a response from them. (LOL?)

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