Thursday, April 30, 2009

I HATE WORDPRESS (and spam)!!!

Okay, maybe I should preface this rant with the fact that I don’t actually hate [WordPress] itself, and even if I wanted to, I am not really qualified to do so. For I have never had a WordPress blog.

I am, however, most qualified to hate WordPress’ super-duper spam filter add-on [Akismet]. For it considers me to be a spammer.

Therefore, I suppose a more accurate title of this piece would be, I HATE AKISMET (and spam)!!!, but I want all of those creepy, crawly spider thingies(?) that search engines use to scour the Internet for good things to devour to catch a quick whiff of my ire. So, I figured that including WordPress in the title might do the trick faster than Akismet.

On the other hand, the rest of the title is completely accurate. For I do indeed hate spam with a passion, and to drive the point home to all with a brain at least as big as a gnat, the following is a post that I made on [FishHawk Droppings] around a year and a half ago. (Some grammatical changes have been made in the hope of saving me further embarrassment.)


I would like to know who signed me up for all of the penile enhancement spam that I have been receiving lately. I’m serious. For I know that I live in the state of Misery, but there has to be a limit to the amount of indignities that a man can be subjected to!

Oh yeah, I’ve got something for you. Well, okay, maybe not anymore. For I am no longer like that, but my good ol’ bad self would have certainly had a valuable service to perform. Satisfaction guaranteed—take it to the bank! For a rusty pair of vise grips and a meat-tenderizing mallet in the experienced hands of someone with a blood type of Old No. 7 always leaves a lasting impression.

I bet you’re the one who signed my wife up for the same barrage a few years back—aren’t you? Didn’t you learn your lesson? For if she could not get me to see where there might be much to be gained before, what makes you think that I would want to be more like Smiling Bob now?

He ain’t all that—don’t you know? If he was, he couldn’t be racing no stock car!

Yeah, I’ve seen some other commercials with a bevy of buxom babes looking all googly-eyed over significant changes to a certain part of the male anatomy in heavy rotation with advertisements for Girls Gone Wild videos late at night on Spike. Be assured that those operators on stand-by are still a-waitin’ my call.

Come on now, can your emails compete with that? Now, I know that there is something to be said for quantity over quality, but you’re taking up valuable space. Space that is need for…um…other stuff!

Maybe I’m missing the point and not taking full advantage of all of the opportunities being presented? For new directives upon what is now good and bad for us are issued all of the time these days. I must have missed the one about drywall being an excellent source of fiber—especially when formed into a diamond shape and dyed a particular shade of blue.

Yeah, I suppose that it could be worse. By the way, does anyone know when the next drawing for the Internet Lottery is being held?

Alas, I don’t know which is worse—spam or some of the steps taken to prevent it? For according to [Smart Boy], all it takes to be permanently labeled a spammer by Akismet is for enough to mark you as being one in their opinion.

Be assured that I know that it doesn’t take all that many. In fact, it may only take one. For it was almost immediately after having some theological differences with someone with a WordPress blog a while back that I started noticing that my comments were being rejected by everyone with a WordPress blog—regardless of the subject matter. That is, of course, at least in the cases where some notice was given. For I have come across many a blog of all kinds that gives no notification of anything when a comment has been submitted, which compels me to go back and check until I am convinced that my comment was indeed rejected when email notification of follow-up comments is not available.

To me, that is just plain rude. For I would like to be told when I am unwelcome when I am not, but in all fairness, maybe the owners of those blogs just don’t realize what is going on.

Whoa, the thought just occurred to me that it may be all part of another evil [Illuminati] scheme to effect world domination. For the blogs that give no notice of comment rejection receive another page view credit each and every time I go back to check if my comment has been accepted yet, and the same applies to when no email notification of follow up comments is available. Subsequently, if I am not the only one who cannot just let it go, that could add up to billions of page views a day, and I don’t even want to think about where that could lead.

Anyway, if you are not a member in good standing of the Illuminati, would you please do something about at least the Akismet add-on on your WordPress blog? For there are a lot of blogs out there that I would like to leave what I would think would be most welcome comments on, and if you would start actually checking what has been rejected, you just might find that I am not the only one who has been algorithmically slandered!

Yes, spammers have become much more sophisticated, and some of their comments may also contain links to some really nasty computer viruses. So, it is understandable why many would not want to start digging through the trash, but doesn’t your anti-virus keep you safe when you are inadvertently surfing dangerous waters elsewhere? If it doesn’t, I highly recommend [Bit-Defender].

No, this is most certainly not a clever ploy to persuade the good at heart to open their comment boxes to my stuff. For I never had anything to do with anything even remotely spammy. That is, except for the real deal, of course.


  1. I agree, I hate the askimet plugin, and don't use it on my wordpress blogs. I much prefer one called wp-spam free.

    But what really gets me about commenting on blogs is the Blogger blogs that don't allow you to comment unless you have an "Open ID" from one of the services they approve of. For those of us who are self hosted, we can't leave them comments!

  2. Thanks for coming by, my dear Leigh!!! I suppose Blogger (Google) does that to discourage spammers and worse, which doesn't really bother me. For there are an awful lot of Class A jerks out there who think it's cute to leave anonymous comments that are inflammatory at best, and without some way of easily identifying them, it would be much harder to put a stop to it without screening every comment before it gets posted, which could severely restrict the freeflow of discussion.

  3. I use bad behavior and the WP-ban option. Akismet is glorified junk and I cannot believe some people swear by it.

  4. I am still using Akismet. It does filter out practically all of the spam comments. Not perfect, not the most convenient maybe, but I am keeping it for the time being.

  5. Well, that's interesting.

    I have a Wordpress blog, and Akismet is up and running.

    But since the Illuminati aren't even returning my phone calls, and I suspect them of signing me up for several e-mail lists, I'll shoot Matt an e-mail and see what we can do about giving you permission to comment on Akismet-protected blogs.

    Meanwhile, I'll make a note to check my spam filter. I used to do it regularly, but I never saw a good comment that wound up in there, so I stopped checking it and just trusted it after a couple months.

    Mayhap that was premature.

  6. An award awaits you on Secondary Roads.
    -- Chuck
    Oh yes, I hate spam!

  7. Well, I don't know if I would go so far as to call Akismet glorified junk, my dear Blue Eyes. For I really am a really nice guy (don't cha know???), but it is something to joke about when I'm in a better mood.

  8. Yes, I am sure that it does a wondeerful job of filtering out spam, my dear Politicus, but it also filters out comments from those who have been given a black mark by someone for some reason or another. The black mark that I received came from someone who felt greatly offended that I would dare call some of his beliefs into question, and it did not matter to him that it was done in a very respectful manner, neither.

    The point that I am trying to make about Akismet is that all who use it should go through the supposed trash before dumping the bin, and I am sure that this applies to other spam filters, as well. For what may be spam to one may be filet mignon to another.

  9. Thanks for the offer, my dear Wickle!!! I have asked some of my friends who have WordPress blogs to see what can be done, and none of them have been successful. In fact, some even reported that they could not clear me for uninhibited commenting on even their own blog--let alone anyone else's.

    Hey, one is not really paranoid if "they" really are out to get them--right? Well, the Illuminati are everywhere, my friend. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  10. Thank you so very much, my dear Chuck!!! I'll get over there as soon as I can.

  11. Кажется, это подойдет.

  12. Я полагаю, это лучше, чем ничего, мой дорогой Аноним. Спасибо за остановки путем!

    In English: I suppose it is better than nothing, my dear Anonymous. Thanks for stopping by!!!


Since the Blogger spam filter has been found sorely lacking lately, I will start moderating comments. Be assured that I am only interested in deleting spam. So, if you feel a need to take me to task over something—even anonymously, go ahead and let 'er rip, and I will publish it as soon as I can.