TCC: The Fourteenth Crumb, Part I

Speaking of different roads: mine led unto familiar territory. For in the summer of 1993: it was time to get back in the saddle again.

Oh yes, it was all too painfully familiar. For my health had not been restored; and I was as lonely as ever.

No, my "friends" had not abandoned me. If anything: their images were even more pronounced; but they no longer held such an appeal unto me.

Yes, former generations would wonder what I expected. For they were led to believe that when you made your bed: you had to lay in it.

Not me. That is: at least not then. For I was under the impression that when it was "out with the old, in with the new" that everything was made better than new about a person.

Oh ye of little faith. For I wondered if I had been woefully deceived about that.

Yes, as a matter of fact: I did believe that I had good reason to. For the road became harder and harder for me to negotiate with each passing day.

Thankfully: I was surrounded by friends at my company. For they recognized how sick I was becoming; and they took me off of long-haul to work more locally.

Well, at least I wanted to believe that I was amongst friends. For the second "localized" load that I had to deliver went to Toronto, Ontario, Canada; and most of the rest were shuttle loads of Tyson Chicken Products between Russellville, AR (around 60 miles northwest of Little Rock) and Atlanta, GA, Center, TX (around 90 miles southwest of Shreveport, LA) and Rogers, AR (around 40 miles southwest of Cassville), and many points in between just as fast as my truck would go.

There was one of those loads that I was glad to be on. For it was at the cold storage on the southwest side of Atlanta where I met a true child of our Heavenly Father.

No, I cannot remember his name; but I hope to always remember what a witness he was unto me. For when I asked him to join me at the "Blue Spot" (a generally all-black strip club next to the Petro Truckstop on the west side of Atlanta) all he said was: "Since becoming a Christian, I no longer want to go to places like that".

Oh yes, it stung to hear that; but that was not enough to keep me out of the place later on. If I remember right: the bouncers called me "Spot".

No, it was not that I had backslidden that far. For the focal point of my fears was that the great desire to do such things had never left me; and I was just not strong enough to withstand the pressure. Hence: a description of a true "crackerhead".

Yet: I still wanted to believe in what I had experienced before; and then there came a day when I actually heard what I had been told on more occasions than I would like to remember. For what is truly meant by "the truth will set you free" is that all who are truly in Christ will not be judged.

In other words: all who are truly in Christ are not always set free from sinning. For it all depends upon what our Heavenly Father wants to accomplish in and through each individual; but all who are truly in Christ can be certain of being set free from the "penalty" of sin. For He Himself has already paid the price in full for "ALL" of the sins of this world.

Oh yes, that will get me added unto the hit lists of many ministries: especially amongst the more devoutly religious ones; but the proof of what I have been given to say about this can be seen every time they take a sincere look at themselves. For who from amongst us can honestly say that they are completely without sin: even after accepting the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior??? After all: is it not true that all wrong-doing is not doing things just exactly like our Heavenly Father would (both in spirit and practice); and that all wrong-doing is sin???

No, this is not meant to encourage wrong-doing. How could it? For who in their right-mind would want to purposely do what could be most harmful unto themselves and others?

Yes, there is more unto the wages of sin than just eternal spiritual death. For the ramifications of wrong-doing can be quite far-reaching in this world. Just ask the friends and family of an addict.

No, it is not at all true that someone can only hurt themselves: not even when they have no friends or family, nor have had any negative impact upon society in general. For what hurts even the least of us hurts our Heavenly Father even more.

So: why does He not put a stop unto all of the hurting? Well, it has to do with accomplishing His purposes. For the harder He makes it to truly love Him: the more satisfying the kind of love that He can receive from us becomes.

No, it has nothing to do with the testing of our faith. That is: at least not in the way that far too many have been led to believe. For how is it possible to prove anything unto the One who has known everything that there will ever be to know about everyone since before He laid the foundation of this world?

Nonetheless: it does have everything to do with the testing of "HIS" faithfulness. For our Heavenly Father promises to not place anymore upon anyone than what they can bear.

Be assured that I have had a problem with that on a number of occasions. For I would insist that I was not as strong as what He considered me to be.

Yes, it is enough to make a person cringe; but instead of getting a bucketful of brimstone dumped upon my head for my insolence: a hug was usually waiting for me after my hissy-fit was over. Hence: what it truly means to be in the "fear of the Lord".

No, it has nothing to do with actually being afraid of our Heavenly Father. For it is possible to love someone you are afraid of; but that is not the kind of love that He wants to receive.

Yes, I suppose it could be different for others; but for me: truly being in the fear of the Lord has involved having a very strong sense of our Heavenly Father's presence. So strong, in fact: that it has made me shake as if sorely afraid.

No, this is not to say that we have absolutely nothing to fear from our Heavenly Father. For it is possible to provoke Him to anger; and this can result in bringing more hardships down upon ourselves that what are absolutely necessary to accomplish His purposes.

Alas, such is the essence of faith. For it is made very hard to give Him the benefit of our doubts at times; but since the kind of faith that truly is of our Heavenly Father is not blind, nor deaf: is it not ultimately made even harder to disbelieve?

No, I am not talking in riddles. For He Himself declares that no one will be able to honestly say that they did not understand everything that He wanted them to, come Judgment Day. For our Heavenly Father reveals Himself in various ways unto even those who do not want to find Him.

Nonetheless: let it be widely known and clearly understood that not all that can be "spiritually" heard is of our Heavenly Father. For Satan and his horde of rogue angels are also allowed and enabled to whisper sweet nothings into our ears at times.

Case-in-point: what I experienced one night on a particularly dark and spooky road around 50 miles due west of Green Bay, WI. For in the hope of getting out of the deep, dark pit of despair I had fallen into (AGAIN!!!): "I" kept reminding myself of the fact that "MY" Heavenly Father would not have stopped me from blowing my brains out with my trusty Remington 870 Wingmaster 12 Gauge shotgun if He had not of wanted to really have all that much to do with me. I then heard a voice (as clear as a bell) that said that it was not the Lord God Almighty who stopped me from doing myself in. It went on to say that He only hears the prayers of the righteous that are directed unto Him; and that I was now his to do with as he liked.

Talk about being terrified: that I was; but then I was reminded of some of the things that "MY" Heavenly Father actually says is absolutely true. Hence: the importance of becoming as familiar with His Holy Scriptures as possible. For the devil and his demons can make right seem wrong without breaking a sweat.

Yes, it can be said that our Heavenly Father moves in mysterious ways. For His ways truly are much higher than our own.

No, this is not to deny that we are all created in His image. For this is indeed true; but the more clearly we are allowed and enabled to "see" our Heavenly Father: the easier it will become to also see that the image we are created in is but a poor reflection of His glory.

Alas, is it not no wonder that there is so much confusion about our Heavenly Father and the righteousness of all of His most awesome ways? For far too many are under the impression that He is not so unlike how we are.

Anyway: I did make it to the Kraft Foods Plant in Green Bay relatively unscathed; but I was still stuck in that pit of despair. Hence: another opportunity for my Heavenly Father to prove Himself unto me.

Much unto my amazement: He even started speaking unto me through the lyrics of songs!!! For certain passages would jump out of the speakers and dive deep into my soul.

No, I am not talking about just Christian music. For Def Leppard's "Bringing On The Heartbreak", "Too Late For Love", and "Paper Son" hit particularly hard. As did: Collective Soul's "Shine", Go Go Dolls' "Iris" and "Name", Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind", Chicago's "Feelin' Stronger Every Day" and "Hard To Say I'm Sorry", Ten Years After's "I'd Love To Change The World", Styx's "Foolin' Yourself" and "Grand Illusion", REO Speedwagon's "Ridin' The Storm Out", Triumph's "Hold On", "Fight The Good Fight", and "Lay It On The Line", Ozzy Osbourne's "Road To Nowhere", "Mr. Crowley", and "See You On The Other Side".

Oh yeah, there were many, many others; and not all of them came from the "classic rock" side of the musical scene. For Johnny Cash's "Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down" hit harder than ever; and Christian rock groups like WhiteHeart, DC Talk, The News Boys, Guardian, Petra, and X-Sinner rocked my socks off!!!

Moreover: it did not even require listening unto what was coming out of the speakers. For He would sometimes wake me up with a song buzzing around in my head; and that continues unto this very day. I have been especially excited about hearing: "This is the day your life will surely change" (The The's "This Is The Day") for the last couple of weeks.

Yes, it could be argued that it is just another example of having a song stuck in your head: especially when it has been in heavy rotation on the TV (M&M's commercial) for some time now; but I have not been watching all that much television lately (too busy writing down "stuff" like this). Besides: it should make one pause to wonder when a song that has not been heard in awhile is there to help bring in the day (such as: Rare Earth's "I Just Want To Celebrate").