Despite all of the fun I was having, purely from tearing back and forth across the country like a bat out of Hell (yeah, I really did go there, Pete) with its tail on fire, I would still become bored from time to time, and that is when I would take my turn at tormenting some greenhorn over the radio. Some of my favorite targets were drivers of Schneider trucks, which were nick-named pumpkin trucks because of generally being painted orange.
I hit the jack-pot one day while having to behave myself north of Columbus, Ohio on I-71. For after seeing a bunch of pumpkin trucks ahead of me, I asked over the radio if it was true that I could make a lot of money driving for Schneider. Lo and behold, one of their drivers answered me by saying that it was indeed true. I then asked him if he would tell me the truth about something, and after he said that he would if he could, I asked him if it was true that one of the bonuses for signing on with the outfit was that when a person completes one year of safe driving, they are given the location of the great pumpkin patch.
Yeah, I suppose you would have had to have been there, and I am sure glad I was. For there was nothing but dead silence over the radio for a good five minutes after I asked about the location of the great pumpkin patch. I mean, even the stuff that had nothing to do with the conversation I was having with that Schneider driver shut down.
Finally, someone else said that possibly learning the location of the great pumpkin patch was enough to get them to at least think about signing up, and then the radio went silent again. Since no one ran off of the road from laughing too hard, I think a good time was had by all—except for maybe the Schneider drivers within radio range, of course.
That was an excerpt from [The Sixteenth Crumb] of The Crackerhead Chronicles. Alas, my chicken-haulin’ days are long gone in my side mirrors, but the great pumpkin patch is still out there. By the way, if you are a big Snoopy fan, it might be worth your while to make it back by this site next Monday (November 3, 2014).
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