Okay, maybe I should preface this rant with the fact that I don’t actually hate [WordPress] itself, and even if I wanted to, I am not really qualified to do so. For I have never had a WordPress blog.
I am, however, most qualified to hate WordPress’ super-duper spam filter add-on [Akismet]. For it considers me to be a spammer.
Therefore, I suppose a more accurate title of this piece would be, I HATE AKISMET (and spam)!!!, but I want all of those creepy, crawly spider thingies(?) that search engines use to scour the Internet for good things to devour to catch a quick whiff of my ire. So, I figured that including WordPress in the title might do the trick faster than Akismet.
On the other hand, the rest of the title is completely accurate. For I do indeed hate spam with a passion, and to drive the point home to all with a brain at least as big as a gnat, the following is a post that I made on [FishHawk Droppings] around a year and a half ago. (Some grammatical changes have been made in the hope of saving me further embarrassment.)
Whodunit?
I would like to know who signed me up for all of the penile enhancement spam that I have been receiving lately. I’m serious. For I know that I live in the state of Misery, but there has to be a limit to the amount of indignities that a man can be subjected to!
Oh yeah, I’ve got something for you. Well, okay, maybe not anymore. For I am no longer like that, but my good ol’ bad self would have certainly had a valuable service to perform. Satisfaction guaranteed—take it to the bank! For a rusty pair of vise grips and a meat-tenderizing mallet in the experienced hands of someone with a blood type of Old No. 7 always leaves a lasting impression.
I bet you’re the one who signed my wife up for the same barrage a few years back—aren’t you? Didn’t you learn your lesson? For if she could not get me to see where there might be much to be gained before, what makes you think that I would want to be more like Smiling Bob now?
He ain’t all that—don’t you know? If he was, he couldn’t be racing no stock car!
Yeah, I’ve seen some other commercials with a bevy of buxom babes looking all googly-eyed over significant changes to a certain part of the male anatomy in heavy rotation with advertisements for Girls Gone Wild videos late at night on Spike. Be assured that those operators on stand-by are still a-waitin’ my call.
Come on now, can your emails compete with that? Now, I know that there is something to be said for quantity over quality, but you’re taking up valuable space. Space that is need for…um…other stuff!
Maybe I’m missing the point and not taking full advantage of all of the opportunities being presented? For new directives upon what is now good and bad for us are issued all of the time these days. I must have missed the one about drywall being an excellent source of fiber—especially when formed into a diamond shape and dyed a particular shade of blue.
Yeah, I suppose that it could be worse. By the way, does anyone know when the next drawing for the Internet Lottery is being held?
Alas, I don’t know which is worse—spam or some of the steps taken to prevent it? For according to [Smart Boy], all it takes to be permanently labeled a spammer by Akismet is for enough to mark you as being one in their opinion.
Be assured that I know that it doesn’t take all that many. In fact, it may only take one. For it was almost immediately after having some theological differences with someone with a WordPress blog a while back that I started noticing that my comments were being rejected by everyone with a WordPress blog—regardless of the subject matter. That is, of course, at least in the cases where some notice was given. For I have come across many a blog of all kinds that gives no notification of anything when a comment has been submitted, which compels me to go back and check until I am convinced that my comment was indeed rejected when email notification of follow-up comments is not available.
To me, that is just plain rude. For I would like to be told when I am unwelcome when I am not, but in all fairness, maybe the owners of those blogs just don’t realize what is going on.
Whoa, the thought just occurred to me that it may be all part of another evil [Illuminati] scheme to effect world domination. For the blogs that give no notice of comment rejection receive another page view credit each and every time I go back to check if my comment has been accepted yet, and the same applies to when no email notification of follow up comments is available. Subsequently, if I am not the only one who cannot just let it go, that could add up to billions of page views a day, and I don’t even want to think about where that could lead.
Anyway, if you are not a member in good standing of the Illuminati, would you please do something about at least the Akismet add-on on your WordPress blog? For there are a lot of blogs out there that I would like to leave what I would think would be most welcome comments on, and if you would start actually checking what has been rejected, you just might find that I am not the only one who has been algorithmically slandered!
Yes, spammers have become much more sophisticated, and some of their comments may also contain links to some really nasty computer viruses. So, it is understandable why many would not want to start digging through the trash, but doesn’t your anti-virus keep you safe when you are inadvertently surfing dangerous waters elsewhere? If it doesn’t, I highly recommend [Bit-Defender].
No, this is most certainly not a clever ploy to persuade the good at heart to open their comment boxes to my stuff. For I never had anything to do with anything even remotely spammy. That is, except for the real deal, of course.
Oh yeah, I’ve got something for you. Well, okay, maybe not anymore. For I am no longer like that, but my good ol’ bad self would have certainly had a valuable service to perform. Satisfaction guaranteed—take it to the bank! For a rusty pair of vise grips and a meat-tenderizing mallet in the experienced hands of someone with a blood type of Old No. 7 always leaves a lasting impression.
I bet you’re the one who signed my wife up for the same barrage a few years back—aren’t you? Didn’t you learn your lesson? For if she could not get me to see where there might be much to be gained before, what makes you think that I would want to be more like Smiling Bob now?
He ain’t all that—don’t you know? If he was, he couldn’t be racing no stock car!
Yeah, I’ve seen some other commercials with a bevy of buxom babes looking all googly-eyed over significant changes to a certain part of the male anatomy in heavy rotation with advertisements for Girls Gone Wild videos late at night on Spike. Be assured that those operators on stand-by are still a-waitin’ my call.
Come on now, can your emails compete with that? Now, I know that there is something to be said for quantity over quality, but you’re taking up valuable space. Space that is need for…um…other stuff!
Maybe I’m missing the point and not taking full advantage of all of the opportunities being presented? For new directives upon what is now good and bad for us are issued all of the time these days. I must have missed the one about drywall being an excellent source of fiber—especially when formed into a diamond shape and dyed a particular shade of blue.
Yeah, I suppose that it could be worse. By the way, does anyone know when the next drawing for the Internet Lottery is being held?
Alas, I don’t know which is worse—spam or some of the steps taken to prevent it? For according to [Smart Boy], all it takes to be permanently labeled a spammer by Akismet is for enough to mark you as being one in their opinion.
Be assured that I know that it doesn’t take all that many. In fact, it may only take one. For it was almost immediately after having some theological differences with someone with a WordPress blog a while back that I started noticing that my comments were being rejected by everyone with a WordPress blog—regardless of the subject matter. That is, of course, at least in the cases where some notice was given. For I have come across many a blog of all kinds that gives no notification of anything when a comment has been submitted, which compels me to go back and check until I am convinced that my comment was indeed rejected when email notification of follow-up comments is not available.
To me, that is just plain rude. For I would like to be told when I am unwelcome when I am not, but in all fairness, maybe the owners of those blogs just don’t realize what is going on.
Whoa, the thought just occurred to me that it may be all part of another evil [Illuminati] scheme to effect world domination. For the blogs that give no notice of comment rejection receive another page view credit each and every time I go back to check if my comment has been accepted yet, and the same applies to when no email notification of follow up comments is available. Subsequently, if I am not the only one who cannot just let it go, that could add up to billions of page views a day, and I don’t even want to think about where that could lead.
Anyway, if you are not a member in good standing of the Illuminati, would you please do something about at least the Akismet add-on on your WordPress blog? For there are a lot of blogs out there that I would like to leave what I would think would be most welcome comments on, and if you would start actually checking what has been rejected, you just might find that I am not the only one who has been algorithmically slandered!
Yes, spammers have become much more sophisticated, and some of their comments may also contain links to some really nasty computer viruses. So, it is understandable why many would not want to start digging through the trash, but doesn’t your anti-virus keep you safe when you are inadvertently surfing dangerous waters elsewhere? If it doesn’t, I highly recommend [Bit-Defender].
No, this is most certainly not a clever ploy to persuade the good at heart to open their comment boxes to my stuff. For I never had anything to do with anything even remotely spammy. That is, except for the real deal, of course.
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